Island Sexual Health Staff at Pride 2011
Common questions about sexual orientation
Not sure what sexual orientation or GLBQT means? See our glossary and definitions of sexual orientation terms, and our gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered resource links
Frequently Asked Questions
- Is it normal to have sexual feelings for the same sex?
- How do I know if I am gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
- I’m 16 and I think I’m gay. Should I tell my parents?
- A friend told me she is a lesbian and I don’t know what to say.
- I think I may be gay, but my religious background says it is immoral.
- Someone told me that lesbians are not likely to catch sexually transmitted diseases—is this true?
- Do lesbians need to have pap exams?
- How will people react when I tell them I am gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
- How can you tell if someone is gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
- How do I meet other gay youth? Am I the only one?
- What is homophobia?
- What is heterosexism?
Answers about sexual orientation
Is it normal to have sexual feelings for the same sex?
Yes, this is normal and common. Many people, not just people who identify as gay or lesbian, have sexual feelings or crushes on members of the same sex. Many people who identify as heterosexual (attracted to or engaged in intimate relationships with the opposite sex) have been attracted to people of their same sex. And vice versa!
What isn’t normal is how society reacts to same-sex attraction. Negative comments, stereotypes and general fear of this is called “homophobia”.
If your attraction to the same sex endures, be comforted knowing that 10% of the population is believed to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. There is support out there for you.
How do I know if I am gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
Sometimes it takes a while to come to terms with a sexual orientation that is treated differently from the mainstream—take your time!
Some people report knowing at a young age, while others “come out” later in life.
Whatever age you are when you question your sexuality, you may not know what to call yourself and that’s okay too. Some prefer not to label their orientation at all. Since sexual identity takes time to develop, you will be able to better articulate your identity as time goes on.
I’m 16 and I think I’m gay. Should I tell my parents?
Because gay, lesbian, bisexual (GLBT) people often lack support from community, school, and peers, family support can be very important. It is up to you whether to come out to your parent(s). Some things to keep in mind, though, are your safety and your well-being. Don’t come out to your parents if you suspect that they will react with physical or sexual abuse, or if they have hinted that they would throw you out of the house. Never come out to your parent(s) as a form of revenge.
There are support networks, such as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, that are designed to support parents during and after a child discloses their gay, lesbian, or bisexual orientation. See the resource section.
If you are unsure of how your parents will react, try mentioning something you saw on TV or heard at school to gauge their reaction towards gay, lesbian, and bisexual people. This way, you can decide if it is safe enough to continue the conversation.
A friend told me she is a lesbian and I don’t know what to say.
When a friend comes out to you, they are giving you the message that they trust you and value your friendship enough to be honest. Remember that sexual orientation is just one part of ourselves, and that he or she is still the same person.
Be supportive by listening, not breaking her confidence (unless he or she is struggling with suicidal feelings) and educating yourself about gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues.
I think I may be gay, but my religious background says it is immoral.
There are faith communities that are welcoming and supportive of their homosexual members. If faith is an important part of your life, seek out positive congregations to support you.
Someone told me that lesbians are not likely to catch sexually transmitted diseases – is this true?
STIs such as herpes, crabs, and genital warts can be contracted by anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, through simple skin to skin contact. Other STIs, such as chlamydia, can be transmitted female to female.
So, how do you protect yourself? First, it’s important to talk about safer sex before you engage in sexual activities, and especially important to remember that drugs and alcohol can impede safer sex decision making.
It’s a good idea to use a dental dam when going down on a woman (cunnilingus).
Remember—you are worth protecting! When we feel ashamed or confused by our actions, it is common to ignore taking care of ourselves. Protect yourself and your partner.
Do lesbians need to have pap exams?
Absolutely. A pap exam tests for cervical cancer, which can be treated if detected early. All women, including lesbians, need informed and respectful health care.
How will people react when I tell them I am gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
People’s reactions will vary. We live in a society that expects people to be heterosexual, so some people may not be supportive of your orientation. Other people who you believed would be supportive may not be, and that can be difficult to deal with. The best thing you can do is find support from people who are positive about your coming out, such as gay-straight alliance, a GLB Youth support group, and other allies. See the resources section.
How can you tell if someone is gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
You can’t tell if someone is GLBT by their profession, appearance, mannerisms, income, or political views. Unfortunately, especially in schools, youth who fit the stereotype of either gay or lesbian are subjected to ridicule, abuse, and isolation, regardless of whether they are actually GLBT or not.
How do I meet other gay youth? Am I the only one?
It is easy to feel like you are the only one in your school, community, or peer group who is GLBT or questioning. Feeling isolated can be scary! It is important that you connect with other youth, be they other GLBT or heterosexual allies. You can connect with a local gay youth group or gay-straight alliance. But remember, you are not alone!
Here in Victoria, contact South Island Pride Community Centre
www.southislandpridecentre.ca
What is homophobia?
Homophobia is the fear, dislike, aversion, intolerance, and ignorance of homosexuals and homosexuality. These feelings and beliefs are usually irrational, and can result in acts of discrimination, harassment and often violence.
What is heterosexism?
Heterosexism is the promotion of the superiority of heterosexuality, the assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and the belief that heterosexuality is the only right, correct, normal and moral expression of sexuality.